Everyone’s a Cunt: The Best Gift for People Who Already Own Too Much Stuff

There comes a point in life where buying gifts becomes less about finding something meaningful and more about avoiding another emergency candle purchase from the shopping centre.

You know the routine.

“Happy birthday. Here’s a mug with a joke on it.”
“Congratulations on turning 40. Enjoy this chopping board you’ll never use.”
“Merry Christmas. I panicked and bought socks.”

Again.

Then along comes Everyone’s a Cunt.

Not a candle.
Not a coaster.
Not a “live, laugh, love” sign that quietly judges everyone from the hallway.

A book.

But not that kind of book.

This is the coffee table book equivalent of your funniest mate turning up at a barbecue, saying something wildly accurate, and somehow making everyone feel better about being human.

Because that’s the whole point.

Everyone has bad days.
Everyone makes questionable choices.
Everyone has accidentally hit “reply all”.
And yes… everyone’s a cunt sometimes.

The Gift That Gets Opened First

Most gifts get politely smiled at.

Everyone’s a Cunt gets opened immediately.

Someone reads a page.

Someone else laughs.

Another person says, “That is absolutely about Steve.”

Steve denies it.

It’s definitely Steve.

That’s what makes it work as a gift. It isn’t just something people own. It becomes part of the conversation.

Birthdays.
Christmas.
Housewarmings.
Secret Santa.
Breakups.
Promotions.
Retirements.

Honestly, if humans are involved, the book probably fits.

Perfect for the Person Who Says “Don’t Get Me Anything”

You know this person.

“I don’t need anything.”

Translation:

Please impress me with your creativity while giving you absolutely no clues.

Challenge accepted.

Everyone’s a Cunt is for:

• The friend who already buys whatever they want;
• The sibling with impossible standards;
• The co-worker who lives for inappropriate humour;
• The family member who says they’re “hard to buy for” like it’s a personality trait; and
• Anyone who appreciates honesty served with laughs.

Australian Humour Without the Fake Inspiration

There are plenty of books promising life changing wisdom.

Wake up earlier.
Drink more water.
Manifest abundance.

Lovely.

Meanwhile, Everyone’s a Cunt quietly sits on the coffee table reminding everyone that being human is messy and occasionally ridiculous.

And somehow… that feels weirdly uplifting.

Growth isn’t always elegant.

Sometimes it looks like apologising.

Sometimes it looks like learning.

Sometimes it looks like realising you were the problem in the group chat.

Character development.

Why It Makes Such a Good Gift

Because people remember gifts that make them feel something.

Laughter sticks.

Surprise sticks.

“That book was unreasonably accurate” sticks.

Nobody tells stories about the scented candle they received in 2024.

People absolutely tell stories about the book that made an entire family point at each other across the lounge room.

If you’re searching for the best gift and your current shortlist includes:

• another mug
• emergency wine
• socks
• mystery candle number seven

You deserve better.

They deserve better.

And Steve definitely deserves this book.

Probably twice.

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