R U OK? Because Sometimes Everyone’s a Cunt

There is one day a year when Australia collectively remembers to ask someone:

“R U OK?”

A noble idea. A very good idea, actually. But there is one small complication.

Sometimes the person who isn't OK is the person sitting across from you who has spent the last six months making your life considerably less OK.

Welcome to R U OK? Day.

A day about checking in, starting conversations and reminding people that they don't have to deal with everything on their own.

And, perhaps, a day for remembering that understanding someone doesn't necessarily mean you have to like them.

Enter Everyone’s a Cunt.

Not every cunt is a bad person

This is an important distinction.

Our book isn't about calling everyone a cunt because they're horrible. Quite the opposite.

It's about recognising the different types of people we all encounter. The know-it-all. The chronic complainer. The workplace politician. The oversharer.

The person who turns every conversation into a story about themselves.

The one who replies “k” when you have written three paragraphs.

The person who says, “I'm just being honest,” immediately before saying something nobody needed to hear.

You know the types. You've met them. You may even be one. And that's the point. People are complicated.

Someone can be a brilliant mate and an absolute nightmare in the workplace.

Someone can be struggling privately while behaving like a monumental pain in the arse publicly.

Someone can be going through something you know absolutely nothing about.

Which is why sometimes the best response isn't:

“What a fucking idiot.”

It might be: “I wonder what's going on with them.”

R U OK? doesn't mean R U Lovely?

One of the traps with conversations about mental health is that we sometimes act as though people need to be perfectly pleasant before they're allowed to have a difficult time. They don't.

People can be anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, grieving, lonely or completely fucking over it.

And sometimes they don't present as the sad person sitting quietly in the corner.

Sometimes they present as the angry one. The prickly one. The one who has suddenly become impossible to deal with. The one who snaps at everyone. The one who has stopped answering messages. The one who seems like they've developed a personal objection to the entire human race.

That doesn't automatically mean something is wrong. But it can be worth noticing.

Because occasionally the biggest clue that someone isn't OK is that they're behaving differently from how they normally do.

And occasionally, yes, they're just a cunt.

The trick is knowing the difference.

You don't have to diagnose the cunt

This is where R U OK? gets practical.

You don't need to work out someone's entire psychological history. You don't need to become their therapist. You don't need to deliver a motivational speech while standing beside the office kettle.

You can simply ask. “You alright?”

And then actually listen to the answer.

Not while checking your phone. Not while mentally preparing your response. Not while waiting for them to finish so you can tell them about the much worse thing that happened to you.

Actually listen.

Sometimes that's enough to open a door.

And sometimes the answer is “Yeah, I'm fine”

Which is also fine. Not everyone wants to talk. Not everyone is ready to talk. Not everyone needs rescuing. And not every difficult person secretly needs a hug. Sometimes they're simply difficult. That's allowed too.

R U OK? isn't about turning every mildly irritating human into a case study.

It's about being willing to notice when something seems off and giving people an opportunity to talk if they want to.

There's a difference.

The Everyone’s a Cunt approach

If Everyone’s a Cunt has taught us anything, it's that recognising patterns in people can make life a lot easier.

You don't have to take every behaviour personally.

You don't have to spend three days wondering why someone looked at you strangely in a meeting.

You don't have to lie awake replaying a conversation from 2017 because someone said, “Interesting.”

Sometimes you can simply recognise the behaviour, put it into context and move on.

But there's another side to that.

Before deciding someone is just being an arsehole, it doesn't hurt to consider whether they're actually having a shit time.

Because “What a cunt” and “Are you OK?” aren't always mutually exclusive thoughts.

Sometimes they're both completely reasonable.

So, R U OK?

Ask the question. Mean it. Listen to the answer.

And if someone doesn't want to talk, don't force them. Give them some room. Check in again.

And if, after all that, they're still behaving like an absolute dickhead...

Well. Perhaps they're just a different type of cunt.

We've got a book about that.

Happy R U OK? Day.

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