Cunts on Tour: The Vic Hotel Finds Out What Kind of Cunt Bryce Really Is

Every pub has a bloke who's convinced he's in peak physical condition.

"I could've gone pro." "I still run." "I would if my knee wasn't cactus."

Then reality wanders in carrying a laminated flowchart.

Our latest stop on the Cunts on Tour campaign took us to the legendary Vic Hotel in Collie, where Bryce volunteered, either bravely or foolishly, to take on the Which Cunt Am I? flowchart from Everyone's a Cunt.

The rules are simple. Answer honestly. Don't argue with the flowchart. Accept your fate.

Bryce started confidently enough.

A few questions in, the optimism began to fade.

Apparently, no... he wasn't a fit cunt.

After a little more soul searching and one or two uncomfortable admissions, the flowchart delivered its official diagnosis.

Lazy cunt.

There was a brief silence while everyone present tried very hard not to laugh.

That lasted about a millisecond. 

To Bryce's credit, he owned it.

No excuses. No blaming the questions. No claiming the flowchart was rigged.

Just a shrug that quietly said, "Yeah, fair enough."

Thankfully, the flowchart wasn't finished with him.

Because while Bryce might not be setting any fitness records or volunteering to mow the neighbour's lawn for fun, it also revealed something far more important.

He's a good cunt.

And if we're being honest, that's a far better result.

The world already has plenty of fit cunts. Some of them won't shut up about it.

Good cunts, on the other hand, are worth hanging onto.

That's the fun of the flowchart.

You might walk in thinking you're one thing and walk out discovering you're something completely different. Sometimes flattering. Sometimes mildly offensive. Usually painfully accurate.

It's become one of our favourite parts of taking Everyone's a Cunt on the road because no two people end up in quite the same place.

The laughs are real. The debates are loud. The self awareness is... optional.

Massive thanks to Tracey and everyone at the Vic Hotel for putting up with us and especially to Bryce for stepping into the firing line and giving the flowchart another confirmed victory.

We'll be back on the road soon, finding more pubs, more legends and, inevitably, more cunts.

Because Australia has no shortage of them.

Luckily, most are good ones.

 

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