Everyone’s a Cunt Deserves a Nobel Prize for Literature (And We’re Prepared to Argue With Anyone Who Says Otherwise)

The Nobel Committee Has Some Explaining To Do

Every year, the Nobel Prize in Literature is awarded to someone who has apparently “expanded the boundaries of human experience through profound literary expression.”

Which sounds impressive.

But have they ever captured the emotional rollercoaster of standing behind someone at the supermarket checkout who decides they’ll start a full financial audit of their loyalty points while 17 people wait behind them?

Have they documented the unique species of human being who says, “I’m not normally like this,” immediately before behaving exactly like that?

Have they explored the delicate balance between loving your friends and wondering how they’ve survived this long without adult supervision?

Exactly. That’s where Everyone’s a Cunt comes in.

Because if literature is supposed to hold up a mirror to humanity, this book doesn’t just hold up a mirror.

It throws a spotlight on us, zooms in on our questionable decisions and politely asks, “What the hell is going on here?”

A Literary Masterpiece For People Who Don’t Pretend To Read 800 Page Novels

Some books make you think. Some books make you cry. Some books make you pretend you’ve read them because everyone else at dinner seems to know what they’re talking about.

Everyone’s a Cunt does something far more important.

It makes you laugh because deep down, you recognise every single character.

The workplace know-it-all. The friend who turns every conversation into a TED Talk. The person who says “I hate drama” while somehow being the CEO of it. The legend who would give you the shirt off their back but still forget where they parked their car.

This isn’t fiction. This is anthropology with a drinking problem.

Why The Nobel Prize Judges Need A Copy Immediately

The Nobel Prize celebrates writers who understand humanity.

Well, good luck finding a better study of humanity than a book that openly admits the obvious:

Everyone has moments where they are brilliant.

Everyone has moments where they are a bit extra. 

And everyone, at some point, has been a bit of a cunt.

The genius of Everyone’s a Cunt is that it doesn’t punch down. It punches sideways.

It laughs at the boss, the neighbour, the cuntfluencer, the conspiracy theorist, the fit cunt, the overconfident amateur expert and, most importantly, ourselves.

Because the funniest people are usually the ones who can admit they’re occasionally the problem.

A Book That Finally Gives Everyday Legends Their Literary Recognition

For centuries, literature has focused on kings, queens, warriors and tortured geniuses.

But what about everyday heroes? What about the person who survives Monday morning meetings? The mate who always shows up when things go wrong? The colleague who somehow creates a 404 error simply by opening their email inbox?

These are the characters shaping civilisation. They deserve their chapter. They deserve their profile. They deserve their very serious and definitely academic Cuntability Rating.

The Future Nobel Lecture Writes Itself

Picture it:

“On behalf of the Nobel Committee, we award the Literature Prize to Everyone’s a Cunt for its groundbreaking exploration of human behaviour, questionable decisions and the universal truth that nobody is perfect.”

The authors step onto the stage. The audience stands. Some people cry. Others immediately complain that the award ceremony is “too woke.”

A guy in the back says he could have written a better book.

And everyone collectively thinks:

“There he is. We found the next volume for the series.” 

Until Then, We’ll Keep Celebrating The Greatest Characters On Earth

Maybe Everyone’s a Cunt won’t win a Nobel Prize.

Maybe the Nobel Committee isn’t ready.

Maybe they need time to process a literary masterpiece that uses humour, honesty and the occasional well placed swear word to explain society better than most serious academic papers.

But one thing is certain:

The world is full of incredible people. Some are good cunts. Some are shit cunts. Some are somewhere in between and probably don’t realise which one they are.

And that’s exactly what makes humanity worth writing about.

Everyone’s a Cunt. The book the Nobel Committee didn’t know it needed.

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