Everyone's a Cunt Visits Engelszell: New Country, Same Cunts

There are moments on a European road trip that feel genuinely significant.

Crossing into another country is one of them. You expect history. Culture. A moment to reflect.

Instead, Everyone’s a Cunt crossed into Austria at Engelszell behind a bloke doing 62 km/h in a 100 zone because he was admiring the view through his phone. 

Welcome to Austria. The scenery changed. Humanity didn't.

The Border Was Smooth. Everyone Else Wasn't.

Crossing into Austria couldn't have been easier.

No queues. No drama. No interrogation.

Just a sign saying "Österreich", and suddenly we were in another country.

Which also meant there was a fresh batch of tourists making exactly the same decisions they'd been making on the other side of the border.

It's almost beautiful. Like a migratory pattern.

Engelszell Is Stunning

Engelszell is one of those little towns that makes you wonder why everyone fights over the same ten European destinations.

There's the Danube. Rolling green hills. A monastery that looks like it's been quietly minding its own business for centuries.

Then someone parks diagonally across four spaces because, apparently, their hatchback needed emotional support.

Nothing says "respecting local culture" quite like treating a monastery car park like it's Bunnings on a Saturday morning.

Europe Has One Official Tourist Sport

Forget cycling. Forget skiing. Forget football.

Europe's real participation sport is standing exactly where everyone else wants to take a photo.

You don't even need to mean it.

You simply wander into the middle of a postcard perfect view, stop walking completely, and begin discussing lunch options.

Bonus points if you're holding a map upside down.

Gold medal if you never realise you're doing it.

Austrian Beer Is Excellent for Confidence

Engelszell is famous for its Trappist beer. Which is delicious.

It's also remarkable how quickly it transforms ordinary people into self-appointed brewing experts.

One sip and it's:

"You can really taste the... um... beer."

Two beers later they're explaining centuries of monastic brewing traditions to strangers who made the mistake of standing nearby.

The Danube Has Incredible Patience

Imagine being the Danube. You've flowed through Europe for thousands of years. You've seen emperors, wars and entire civilisations.

Now you're watching a tourist spend ten minutes trying to convince a duck to swim back into frame because "the composition was better before."

If rivers could laugh, this one would've burst its banks.

Europe's Most Reliable Landmark

Forget castles. Forget churches. Forget UNESCO World Heritage sites.

The most consistent landmark in Europe is the person who stops dead the instant they step off an escalator.

Scientists should study it.

Another Country. Same Conclusion.

Engelszell was brilliant. Peaceful. Beautiful. Full of history.

Exactly the sort of place that reminds you why travelling through Europe is so addictive.

It also reinforced the central thesis behind Everyone's a Cunt.

The passport changes. The language changes. The beer gets better.

But somewhere, in every country, there's always someone taking 97 identical photos of a flower while an entire walking tour slowly forms behind them.

Luckily, there are plenty of good cunts too.

The ones who smile, step aside, share the view and remind you that travelling isn't really about ticking countries off a list.

It's about collecting stories. And Europe keeps delivering them.

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